You're so nebulous sometimes
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
