? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
