I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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