i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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