Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
