Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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