i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
