i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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