even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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