last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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