Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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