FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
