and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
