You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
