I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
