we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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