What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
