If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
