I heard we made out
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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