my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
