Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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