Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
