Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
