can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
