none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
