I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
