So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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