I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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