Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
