Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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