do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
