forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
