and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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