A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
