You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
