man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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