Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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