yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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