he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
