shes about as inviting as chlamydia
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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