I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
