Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This baby is an asshole
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
