I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
