i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
