tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
