Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize