i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
