I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
