A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
