Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
the raccoons are back...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
