I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize