In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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