I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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