that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
