I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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