i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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