how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
