Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
