I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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