I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
