I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
