I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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