I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
