That's intense
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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