i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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