Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
