Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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