We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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