my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
