i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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