I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
