When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
