I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
