I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
it was like eating out sand paper
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
