Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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