Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
