wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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