if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
